you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
