i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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