did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
