I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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