Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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