saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
