Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
