Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
