she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
