Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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