Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
