I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
