4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize