I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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