he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize