How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
