She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
