I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
