There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
