oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
