im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you win again, gameday.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
