i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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