He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
