There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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