I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
