i think my tv is drunk
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
