I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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