Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
