I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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