mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
