I showed him my bush... on skype.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
