Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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