i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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