we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
