Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
