I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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