I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize