Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
