My underwear smells like fireworks.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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