And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
