Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize