is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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