I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
