woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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