well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
