Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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