True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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