he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
