Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
