we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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